Transition to a New Preschool

FD has requested this topic as her 3 year old is changing preschools. I hope it helps.

Transition from one preschool to another does not have to be tragic or traumatic. It should be a natural, positive change for the family. It is nice to have an opportunity to allow the child to go to the new preschool to visit before actually staying for the day. The visit should be an adventure. There are very few children who enjoy changing from one school to another. If they have had a negative experience at one preschool they are usually apprehensive about going to another one. If they have had a positive experience at a preschool they usually want to continue going there. It is up to you to present it as a positive move. You as a parent should be very positive and talk about going to the new school before visiting at. The child should not feel that you have made the decision and they have no say or choice in the move. This can cause rebellion and apprehension that you just don’t need.

If time permits, I believe it is good to take the child to the initial visit. During this visit, you will walk with the child and speak with the director of the facility. Pay close attention to how the child is greeted and if he/she responds to the person in charge. I always say that your classroom is as good as the teacher but it is also a huge insight into the way a school is run when you meet the director. Hopefully the director will invite you and child to visit the entire school, not just the classroom that they will be in. This gives a child a feeling of belonging in that they know what all the rooms look like and there is nothing there that they aren’t familiar with to some degree. The child should be introduced to the adults as well as the children in the facility. A sense of belonging is very important. After this visit, it is nice to be able to leave with the child and discuss what you have seen there. You should ask what looks like fun? What is your favorite thing at the new school? What is your least favorite thing? Most three year olds are extremely open and honest about likes and dislikes. It is important to let them talk about it. If there is another parent or close friend or family member available, it is good to let them talk about the school to them as well. Sometimes they will talk to one person more than another. This way you can see how they really feel about going.

If possible, for the first day at a new school, it is important that you do not leave them for a long day. This isn’t always a possibility for working parents but if you can, it can really be beneficial for adjustment. If you can come early to pick the child up and again, talk about everything that has happened today it can really help the child feel that they have some control over what is happening to them. Control is very important to a preschool age child. It also gives you a special relationship with them as you embark upon this new adventure together.

It is normal for them to feel a little apprehension at first. Do not let this discourage you. It is best to leave them with a kiss, hug or whatever you are accustomed to. You must be strong and confident in order to show the child that you feel good about leaving them in this safe place. I call it a “quick get away”. If you hang around and worry about it, you are planting an insecurity seed into the situation and the transition will take longer.

Tell the child what you like about the school. Talk to them about what they like or dislike. Communication is very important. Even if the child does not speak well or wish to discuss much, it is important to talk about the school, the activities, play time, inside, outside, stories, art, etc. Talk, talk, talk.
If you can have a few days to transition, that is great and each day you can leave them a little longer until their day is full. Sometimes you have to jump right in and leave them all day from the start. If that is the case then you just make the best of it and continue to talk to them about school in a very positive way. Reinforce how proud you are that they are old enough, smart enough, perfect enough to go to this wonderful school. You will know your child well enough to know which terms will build their confidence and self esteem.

Some children may need a connection from home. If that is the case, you can give them something from home to put in their pocket. If they are feeling lonely, missing mommy or daddy, they can reach into their pocket and feel it and it will help them feel close to you. Most schools frown on children bringing personal things from home but it can be your little secret. An example might be a rock from the yard at home. You can use markers and make a happy face on the rock if the child wants it. It can rest nicely in the pocket and they can put their hand in and rub it for security. Nobody even has to know that it is there. A picture of the family or family member can also give a child comfort and most schools will not object to a child having a picture in their pocket or bag. You may mention it to the teacher so that she understands what is going on. She will probably appreciate it that you are helping with the transition.

You need to learn the names of the teachers and a few of the children so that you can make the connections to have intelligent and knowing conversations with your child. New schools should be exciting, not scary.

Each child is different and some will give you negative feedback when in reality they are happy with a school. This is a different issue that we can discuss if it comes up but for now, I think if you visit with the child, ;eave him for a short day at first and talk about the school before going, after visiting, and after going each day, you will be on a very good track. Be positive (even if you want to cry).

Children can read you so well. If you are apprehensive or nervous about the new school they will know and they too will feel anxiety. There is no need for this. If you approach it in a positive way and show them that you feel good about it they will also feel good about it.

It is also important to build a positive relationship with your teacher. You can greet them in the mornings and show them that you trust them with your child. A good teacher will recognize your love for your child and try to connect school and home so that your child will transition quickly. A good teacher doesn’t need gifts or over indulgence. They just need to know that you are trusting them with the most precious possession in your life and that you are sharing him/her with them. Common courtesy goes a long way.

The key to a painless transition is communication. Everyone who has anything to do with this transition needs to talk about it. Your peace of mind is your child's peace of mind. Love, learn, talk, laugh and cry together. You will get through it.